DeeKnow’s Grotto

According to an article in the Sydney Morning Herald "Maria Sharapova, called 'The Screamer' by competitors, has been asked to tone down her grunting by tennis officials after complaints from her opponent. Her squeals and screeches could be heard beyond the hospitality tents. Observers muttered that it was the loudest grunting in the history of women's tennis."

I've been known to do a bit of screaming of my own during my tennis career, however my brand of sporting audio output is normally a little more sophisticated than mere grunting, I like to sling whole phrases together.

These phrases are cleverly assembled to entertain the crowd, normally immediately follow a double-fault, and are often accompanied by a theatric and angry-looking flinging of the tennis racket into the court surface. My personal favorites include the likes of "for fucks sake!!!" and "you mutha fucker!!" or just plain "FUCK!!!"

I'm not sure how this sort of behaviour would go down at Wimbledon, but they were popular with spectators in Ngahinepouri, unless Mum heard them of course, in which case I'd be running for my life.

Tennis News Flash - this just in from a reliable source .. Lleyton Hewitt has apparently confirmed that he plans to fly to New York shortly to record a duet with controversial American rapper Eminem. The single, to be called: "Yo! Who’s No.1 now, bitch?" is expected to be out in time for the Australian summer circuit.

10:51:00 PM